Online Rishtas...
~ Asalam' Alaykum ~
The revolution of the internet has no doubt been a leap for all of society, but more importantly its opened doors for Muslims, and even more so for the younger, Muslim generations. There's obviously this new trend of meeting or trying to meet people online. And by meeting people online, I don't mean joining matchmaker sites {e.g. Naseeb or Shaadi.com}, I mean getting a screenname from another friend, exchanging screennames after meeting someone in person, or meeting some *shock* off a blog ::lol:: I wouldnt call it online dating per se, more like "Online rishtas" or something not so "western" in idea, because I don't think its exactly like dating. Somehow, it all seems "okay" to talk to the opposite sex online or even discuss things that we would never dare discuss face to face. Fine, thats all well understood, online chatting = fitna-ish behavior.
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Still though, beyond all that, I wonder: Is the internet {i.e. chatting} really that effective in meeting someone and gauging their true personality? Well , I thought yes because, well, doesn't one usually just feel more comfortable chatting online because there's that anonymity factor? Personally i'm the same online as I am in reality. If you thought that my hyper behavior was for the net only, you'll be highly dissappointed, because i'm just as hyper in reality as I am online. But, how about those people that are highly reserved in reality, but online are super hyper and talkative and vice versa? These sortsa questions have made me doubt or at least be weary of my earlier theory.
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Then how does this all play into successfully meeting someone and actually going beyond the "getting to know" phase and into the "lets get married" phase? I don't know anyone who's done that, so I can't be certain how successful it actually has been. Yet, i've spoken with enough of my friends who've gone through the online thing, and mostly i've gotten some mixed feedback. The biggest problem it seems is that there's always misunderstandings online. One party gets misunderstood and thats the end of it. I think that that's a major problem because one small misunderstanding can leave you with a bad image of someone, when in truth they aren't like that at all. I'm sure you'll all agree with me that that highly unfair to someone! Especially becuase if you've been introduced to the guy/girl through another friend, you may unknowingly hurt their credibility for the future. I guess the best way to go around that would be to question someone specifically. But how many of us would do that? Yea, not many. Sadly, its human nature for us to think the worse of someone. Even personally, i'd be like, what a whacko and move on...
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Then when is the solution to all this? With the current changes in society and what not, its really difficult not to speak to the opposite sex. More usually, guys/ girls start out speaking as friends, which then morphs into something more. So the best thing to do would be to not speak to the opposite sex at all. But, that's totally easier said than done! :O
wasalaam :)
posted by MnM310 at 11:13 AM
7 Comments:
You knew I was gonna put my two cents in ;)
I think whats really interesting is that when a person considers themself to be the same online as they are in person, it is not necessarily expressed to the other party for them to see you the same way.
Meaning, you may think you are clearly expressing yourself online as you would in person, but because you arent there the other person is taking the information they are recieving and assuming things like tone, attitude, seriousness, passion for the subject without seeing body language, facial expressions, vocal inflections, etc.
So the question is: Is it possible to be online as you are in person?
I have come to doubt that it is possible.
Then comes the second question: How far are people willing to consider online convos a true representation of someone that they dont know personally?
I remember one of my closest friends (after approaching a family whose daughter was recommended to him) was told by the girls dad that they should talk on email (since she was on the other side of the country) and so they began emailing each other. The girl seemed uninterested to my boy, and in turn the girl thought he seemed overbearing because they were having delicate convos about stuff like the role of a woman, etc. He was all but convinced that this wasnt going to work out, and the sister even wrote an email to send him telling him that he was a nice guy but that they werent compatible. Before she sent it, her father (since he liked my friend alot) recommended that the two speak on the phone because things can not be expressed clearly through the net. They agreed, and realized that the difference between what they thought the person was like and what they actually were like was like night and day. They ended up getting married.
So what do I learn from this?
Things are lost in translation between a person's true being and what they condense their being to become when transmitting themselves through the net. Too bad they dont have a winzip for personalities where you can get the whole file, lol. If you dont know what im talking about then pardon me, for I am a newly initiated computer nerd.
The thing is...you may express yourself the same online as you do in person, but the catch is how you are perceived by others in one format versus the other.
Perception is key.
hm... i think im a lot more honest online.. well, i am in my blogs anyway. the degree of anonymity allows me to chill out and not worry about what people are thinking about me.. sad, i know.. but true
Sorry for the delayed response!!!
Iboo Lal: good breakdown..winzinp!! lol and of course i knew ur 2cents were coming haha :P
ahy: haha :)
moumita: i agree!
zahera: oh u! lol
hanna: but thats just it..a lot of ppl are like that and thats y the internet's also a good thing, Lets u express yourself truthfully.
Dear Madiha,
Well girl...what you have said is true...Some people act different when chatting or when speaking their minds out online because what would be the worst thing that might happen? Getting hateful messages? You can simply walk out with no harm...But in real life, many factors should be considered...you cna't simply walk away from your problems...You have to face the reality...
You know what? When my family first knew that I have a blog, they were like "Are you serious? You know how to write and to express what you see?"...
They were shocked when they started reading, they thought that I have no interests in whatsoever...They didn't know that I hold some ideas for certain things...
Online chatting can help you in getting out what you can't in real life...
Lets get back to marraige. bla bla bla ;)
getting married to someone whom I met online doesn't work for me...I believe that marraige is one of the hardest decisions, and sometimes you discover that you married someone else from the one whom you knew...Online can hide important characteristics of the person you are talking to...
It doesn't mean that it won't work for others, though...We can't always generalize things...
neverland82: haha ur fam was shocked?! I thnk that thats very true in cases where people are usually reserved in reality, which most bloggers seem to be so far! surprised? i dont think i am, b/c it is a way of expression and ur rite, it's totally positive in that way.
marraige...lol I agree, it would seem that more likely than not a person's true characteristics would be hidden, but then again, someone who's quite shy in reality, might have their true self show up online? So, it's a fine line and i guess, a case by case determination. The best thing would be talking to someone online, and then having a friend know about the person in reality. i think. LOL i could be totally wrong tho. :P
Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
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