Monday, September 18, 2006

Desi Trophy Wives

*~ Asalam'alaykum~*

I lost my wallet at school a few minutes ago and I'm still praying that some kind soul will turn it in. I hate losing things and losing my wallet is up there on the list of things I never want to lose! Good thing is I was dead broke, so no money (actually I was headed to the ATM when I noticed it was missing) and I had my metro card ($76 monthly pass) in my pocket. Those are the only things of great value since my credit cards and debit card can be cancelled easily. Well other than the fact that it was my new Dior wallet, i'm over it... :p


Anyways, I wasnt going to blog about my lost wallet, but since it JUST happened I figured i'd get it out. What i've been meaning to blog about is the following...


What always kinda amazes me is how some guys can marry girls from "back home." Wait! Before you bite my head off let me go on... For example, I know of guys, born and raised in America, educated from some of the best universities and holding great jobs, but for some reason they'll go back and marry a girl from a small village who may not even speak English. What prompts guys to do this? And what in the heck do you do for conversation with a girl like that? If the situation was reversed and I felt the need to go marry some dude "back home" and then had to teach him how to bascially live, I think i'd die! Sorry, but just thinking of teaching him EVERYTHING and not being able to talk about basic things sounds so boring to say the least.


Well there is the old adage that comes to mind; boys want to marry someone like their mother. Is this then the traditional type of wife their looking for? Or is this the desi equivalent of a 'trophy wife?'



Madiha :)


Blogger Zahera said...

Or maybe no-one in America wants them and so their alternative option is to simply go back home and get a wife? :-)
Dunno- this post seems very presumptious maddy waddy :-P

September 19, 2006 6:37 AM  
Blogger Hanna said...

woo hoo! you've posted at last!! Well.. I think that a lot of Western guys are intimidated by Western girls who could end up being a lot smarter and street-wise than them.. they're likely to be quite independant and strong willed and a lot of these guys cant be bothered to deal with the hassle of a girl who has her own mind and has a past.. AND doesnt need him to put bread on the table.. there's a lot more stability with Desi girls. They need the guy for survival and when things get tough, it's not so easy for them to just get up and walk away - what can they go to?

On the other hand, there are some guys who are narrowminded enough to think that all Western girls are ho's and finding a chaste virgin in Desi-land is easier than finding on in NYC ;)

I dunno.. I'm chatting crap now.. maybe we should let the guys answer this one.

SO FELLAZ, ANSWER ME THIS: Would u go for a girl fresh off the boat? And if so, WHY?

September 19, 2006 6:50 AM  
Blogger Hanna said...

P.S... Hope your wallet turns up! It's Dior as well..that's gotta hurt.. and it's just plain inconvenient!

September 19, 2006 6:51 AM  
Blogger Khadiijah said...


Sorry about your purse. Good thing you don't keep everything of value together.

On men marrying "back home", I'm sure they speak one of the same languages, even if basically...? I can't imagine a man choosing a mute wife, even if he feared the threat of nagging one if unleashed.

September 19, 2006 9:22 AM  
Blogger Ahmed said...

I don't think every girl from 'back home' is quite how you described. Well maybe the ones from small villages...I don't know. But I do know that a lot of people from the main cities are more 'westernized' than people here. And I know girls that have gone back for desi guys too so its not just 1 sided.

Some guys just seem to want a doll. A girl, and literally that, because she has never grown up. To just stay home and be his domestic pet.

Some girls also don't seem to have any real goals in life or any ambitions. They want to be little kids. And they want to marry and just sit at home. Or maybe they don't think that far ahead.

Either way, I don't get either of these guys or girls.

Good luck with the wallet, that's such a pain to deal with.

September 19, 2006 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Moumita said...

One: About the monthly pass, I suggest you purchase a bike or a scooter.

Two: Many, many many guys might want a "girl from the village" for reasons similar to why most slaves/indigenous people in colonial lands were denied literacy and education: because otherwise, it is harder to control the person.

Yes! That's a harsh comment!

Tee hee!
: )

September 19, 2006 3:41 PM  
Anonymous Moumita said...

Oh yea (sorry) I hope you find your wallet soon too- with everything in it inshallah.

September 19, 2006 3:42 PM  
Anonymous almira said...

Sorry about your wallet :( Some guys, ok most guys like dumb women not to say women from small villages are dumb. Its almost like men want barbie dolls, look pretty, dont say anything, awnser and do everything I say. Many men dont want women to be their equal, they want a "Stepford" wife, or like you said a barbie doll. Good post Mahida!

September 19, 2006 6:19 PM  
Anonymous almira said...

Im sorry I meant to say: like you said a trophy wife. :)

September 19, 2006 6:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup its for the submissiveness of these village girls: one that can cook, clean, do whatever he wants. These men can probably get their mental stimulation at work or with friends.

September 20, 2006 4:10 AM  
Blogger Ms Molly said...

Its strange how guys and girls differ on this. There’s this guy at work – religious but western who really and truly said he had no preference as to whether his wife was back home or not which surprised me. Some guys want the cooking and cleaning desi wife, some would never go for that and I guess others don’t mind. This is an ongoing debate – I mean in Islam should it matter where a person is from? Isn’t it more about them as a person or their character – but we are also told that couple should be compatible – what does compatible mean?? It means different things to different people. I heard it meant that the couple should be emotionally and spiritually compatible- I guess that means one can be compatible with eastern or western potential spouses…

September 21, 2006 8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that would be an ecumenical decision :p

September 21, 2006 5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THE ANONY is baccck! :-D


okok..umm trophy wifeys...hmmm......well..cook clean and..uhuum....well any guys dream right? chances are if he went to a ivy league and hes a doctor saab and hes "wanting" to go back home to shaadi waadi then thts cuz its been imprited on the fellas brain since he was eating gerber baby food..i mean shaan masala baby u see..its all themothers doing...b/c she wants that gher wali gher ki awaragardi for this bahoo! :-D

more later..PEACE OUT!...

September 21, 2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger MnM310 said...

z: lol presumptious..mmm maybe. but still, i'm talking bout decent guys w/ a lot to offer, not just any dude. That's wuts got me confused. I can understand if going back is their last resort...

hanna: lol i think i'd haveta agree w/ u about them being intimidated by the chica's on the west side :p still tho, beyond that, wut i dont get is how'd someone relate to someone like that? How can you spend like hours w/ em? *confuzzled* :p

oh and they found my wallet! *doing a jig* :p

khadiijah: salaams :p maybe a mute wife IS wut they want! lol yea i think they can speak the same language...the people i know of have
@ least one common language.

ahmed: haha no i know that people "back home" are westernized, sometimes a lil tooo westernized. I'm talking bout those specific situations where dudes marry those girls from a real deal village! haha jazakallah bout the wallet and aH someone turned it in w/o anything missing. Still, i'm awaiting new credit cards :(

MO: LMAO! lol dude no bikes or scooters and i luv ur comment bout the slaves! hahahahaha..u know i never thought of it that way but u mite be onto something ;)

almira: yup good point bout the stepford wife..that may be it. But then lets say u want a "nice image" for others, but how bout for yourself? doesn't marrying someone for looks prompt a boring life?

ms. molly: you know u make a good point about the spiritual and emotional compatibility. I guess for me and maybe some of the other commentators, compatibility may mean something else. Its quite possible that a guy and a (for this scenario's sake) village girl, be compatibital spiritually. Mmmm interesting..:)

b'hood: haha wut i wanna know is wut u gotta say bout homies marrying village girls huh!?! would u marry a village girl from 'back home' and why or why not? :P

ec‧u‧men‧i‧cal Pronunciation[ek-yoo-men-i-kuhl

–adjective 1. general; universal.
2. pertaining to the whole Christian church.
3. promoting or fostering Christian unity throughout the world.
4. of or pertaining to a movement (ecumenical movement), esp. among Protestant groups since the 1800s, aimed at achieving universal Christian unity and church union through international interdenominational organizations that cooperate on matters of mutual concern.
5. interreligious or interdenominational: an ecumenical marriage.
6. including or containing a mixture of diverse elements or styles; mixed: an ecumenical meal of German, Italian, and Chinese dishes.

haha ur nuts! :p

ANONY: yaayyy...haha dude the momma's do have a lot to do w/ the 'brainwashing' i guess.

lmao @ shaan masala baby food and no awaragardi! lollllllllllll :D

wasalaam everyone!

Madiha :)

September 22, 2006 12:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


i don't know if my comment is of any relevance being that this post is over 3 years old.
You may have come to understand why it is guys in your side of the world choose to marry girls back home in india.

I think one of the reasons as to why they marry desi girls is to maintain cultural and family ties with those from the old country and in doing so preserve their Indian identity better.

September 12, 2009 9:50 PM  

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